Gasp, the Finality of it all!!!

So we come to the end of another season. The general consensus at 237 is that this will NOT be the last of RoL. Somehow, some way, Bret will screw up whatever he has with whoever he picks. Or, if he chooses Daisy, he'll find out how little she has to offer. Yeah, she has a LOT to offer within like, her bra, but nothing to offer upstairs, like.

That being said, a friendly household bet has broken out. Dinner at Ruth's Chris is on the line. And I've got the moron. Yep, I'm riding those huge fun-bags to a filet, sweet potato pie, and a spicy Cabernet. Who says a brutha can't make a dime off the work of vapid women. Damn, I'd be raking it in like a pimp. Of course there is the issue that I can't stand Daisy and believe her to be a complete moron. Eh, who cares, I'm talkin quality beef bi-yatch.

The threesome are headed to to Cancun. Somehow I'm betting that they aren't gonna be hangin at Posada Laguna - their loss. Senior Frog's? Carlos n Charlie's?

And now, on with the show . . .

Ambre is "one of the best kissers he's ever kissed". That has to be one HUGE number.

Oh, and just for the record before we get anywhere, it was a slow week at work for Allie so there's been a great deal of research on the show this week. If you get the time, check out vh1.com and read Heather's and Destiney's exit interview. There's more to Destiney that they didn't show (and I couldn't believe) and more going on between Bret and Heather that they didn't show.

Bret's down to Ambre and Daisy, "and Big John gets sloppy seconds" chimes in from the peanut gallery.

Oh, Cancun looks as good as ever. A fantastic looking resort with great beverages right out the door. And we get a traditional Mayan dance upon entry. Great view of the ocean and we notice that there's a full moon out. Prepare for craziness.

They go to dinner and he's got some questions to ask. And in a major plot twist, Daisy has questions for him too. And she's written them down. Ooooh, and before we can comment on her ability to read and write, Ambre's beaten us to the punch. Yeah, this could get a little ugly. Sweet. Daisy asks about what else he thinks about her, and he loads on a bunch of BS. The best part is that she's such a moron that whatever he says, she'll believe. Ambre calls her out as being without any substance. Now we were all thinkin it, but Ambre says it, in front of Bret. AND they have to sleep in the same room. Sweeter. Someone may die in the middle of the night...that would make the finale that much more entertaining for it to turn into Cancun CSI. Take the black light to Bret's room, ewwwwww.

Back in the room, Ambre calls her out and it could backfire on her. She pushes for the kiss with Bret and is trying to assert her sexuality.

So, Daisy calls her out as well. Is Ambre doing this for the experience, not for the guy? Wow, Daisy throws it right back. Props to the mouth-breather for firing right back. This is just fantastic. Who knew that Daisy had it in her? She's putting up a good head game. She's going for the gusto.

During commercial fast-forwards, we're trying to vision Bret's life with either girl. We figure that there is nothing that he can't do with Ambre. Take her to a concert, museum, rock climbing, bike riding, anything. Not saying that she'd be great at everything, but she's smart, and physical enough in her lifestyle that she'd be up for anything and high energy. At the same time, imagine Bret taking Daisy to a cancer fundraiser (remember the VFW experience) where she says to the principal scientist, "um, like, wow, like, that was a fantastic presentation, like I was amazed at the colors on the screen while you, like talked. Would that surgery be, like, painful? 'Cus I've had some, like, surgeries, you know."

Wow, the tension in the girls' room is palpable. They show Daisy laying on the bed with the newspaper in front of her. I naturally think she's been killing time doing a crossword or sudoku. Oh, brain fart, then I snapped back to the reality that it is Daisy. Then the gallery chimes in about Daisy's tats. When she's old and flabby, what that full-length arm tattoo gonna look like? New name for Daisy's "band", Tat-n-Tits.

Ambre gets ugly. They are doing their best to top last year's "I don't want to get the smell of him off of me." They are nasty on each other.

Ambre's not wearing any underwear. You know, for a moment, it does look like she's forcing it a bit. When you look at her she comes off as the over-achiever, class valedictorian that is saying all of the right things to get into Harvard. She's doing some calculating and making a plan. Wonder what her Alabama father is thinking as he's watching this "Fatal Attraction" move. She is putting it out there, and by it, I think you know what I mean. . .

Thus, we have the classic battle, brains versus boobs. The ancient Romans wrote about this in the time of Julius Ceasar. Why, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Oh, and we noticed that there was no issue of the girls sleeping in the same room. Somehow the producers found a way around that. Man, those are some smart people.

Daisy on a boat, off shore, fishing. Did anyone notice how knock-kneed she is? I've noted that Ambre is a little thick-legged, but knock-kneed is just bad. Oh, nice trip in her flip-flops when she arrives. So they start to chat and he's going down the road of how sexy she is, but then he's blabbing about an emotional attachment. Oh, this guy is so full of it and she's so blank that she buys it hook, line, and sinker. He's putting her through the third-degree about her goals in life. She's sure that she "knows what she wants and doesn't want." Really, like what? Methinks she "wants" drama in her life. She just doesn't have the horsepower upstairs and can't in any way verbalize any goals.

And we have some chummin. This could not be any funnier. Who among us hasn't been there? We get Gilligan's Island music while Daisy is blowing chunks. At least we now know what Bret can look forward to when he finds out how she stays skinny. For you sympathy pukers out there, you get my sympathy 'cus there's a strong view of gallons of chum going overboard when she tosses cookies. Yes, I said chum - keep it clean.

Daisy gets ugly on Ambre to Bret during dinner. Bad mouthing her at dinner. Could that be a good thing for her to trash the competition during this great dinner he set up?

Allie hopes they changed the sheets. Oh, Bret takes her to a different bed. Smooth bed.

For the fiftieth time we hear Bret said "Daisy may just be the girl for me." What kinda message are they trying to send? Man, they are taunting the hell out of us. Brutha's a little low on cash these days and Ruth's Chris ain't cheap.

Ambre is stewing. Daisy is acting like she's twelve. Ambre is upset that Daisy doesn't talk to her??? This is a classic stupid conversation. Ambre calls her two-faced. Why would she care. Why would either of them care. Daisy is crying again. Someone roll back the tape and count who cried more, Daisy or KJ. I'm thinking Daisy took it hands down.

And we're on to the decision . . .

Bret says that he chose the wrong girl last season. Which one? Does he think that he should have picked Heather? Sam? Mia? Rodeo??

The end is so pathetic. They extended this for half an hour to make a lame Bret Michaels video walking on the beach? Maybe for next season they should have him go to a gym every once in a while. He's looking a little chunky. And no eye-liner or bandana can cover that up.

Daisy could not look like more of a skank. And Bret couldn't look more like a Jersey mafia guy with the shiny suit. He could be a hit man in a B-movie. Sure he'd have to ditch the bandana as a trademark, but that could be his role. Or the mafia heavy that gets whacked in the first five minutes that forces to rival gangs to go to the mattresses.

Ramblings about his choice. Dragging on.

He brings Daisy down. Then he stands holding her hands, staring at her breasts, but that her tour ends here. Oh, this will be one heck of an exit interview. I'm putting the over/under on "like" at 143.

So, we're off to Ruth's Cris and it looks like I'm buying...Allie is excited. That said, there's always next season!!! Thanks for reading!

Episode Eleven - The Trashy Trio

Well now. After a week of debating and research on RoL. There's been much discussion on the blogs, much like this one, and conspriacy theories abound. Some have Daisy, some have Ambre. Some have Bret already secretly with KJ and he's bought her a house in AZ to live in after she clears up her issues (aka husbands). And then there's the ones that put Heather back in the mix at the end or the ones that have Heather with her own show after this one.

We're starting to feel as though this show has really taken hold. There are even some pretty good parodies out there. Here's one from SNL - http://tv.popcrunch.com/saturday-night-live-rock-of-love-2-parody-video/

Of the more mundane, I've been wondering how much ass Bret's getting this season. At the "parents episode" from last year we learned from Heather that Laci was making nightly visits to Bret's room for a little (or a lotta) Unskinny Bop and horizontal mambo-ing. I'm thinking there's been some action with KJ, certainly with Daisy, and in no way, shape or form with Peyton (FACE TIME!!! See SNL parody above).

Now we have the parents, take two. Without the dominant personalities that we had last year, I'm just not sure how much fun this will be. Just boring talk about jobs, etc. And who in the world spawned the wreck that is Daisy?

Hey, we're back from Vegas. Whew, what a barrel of laughs in Sin City. Could someone throw a drink at me??? That was so fun when we did that in Vegas.

Yeah, cleaning house. Surprise, it is your folks!! And Ambre can't wait for her father to meet Bret. And NO BANDANA!!! Good googely moogely. Can he actually be a real person without being "Bret Michaels, bandana boy"?

It all continues to come "clean". Daisy hasn't seen her father in seven years and her mother in four. Yeah, considering that she's a dancer with dynamic lifestyle (abortion, living with old boyfriend, etc.) this should come as no surprise. As Chris Rock says, somebody just didn't get enough hugs.

Destiney's folks walk in and it is all coming so clear. Her father has a tattoo that goes all around his forehead. They're biker folks, sure, but that is one strange tat on the melon. They seem very cool and mellow to have spawned such a hair trigger tempered, emotionally violent chic. Must have been double recessive.

So, Ambre's Dad is a nice, kind of "plain ole" guy, Destiney's parents are interesting and over all nice. And the best they can find for Daisy is the "old" boyfriend / roommate maybe with some occassional benefits but who know's older sister. Man, this is uncomfortable. I can't believe that Bret hasn't called her out on this.

Destiney's dad has liver cancer. What a kick in the balls. He's got six months to live. Very cool that he's make the trip out when he's clearly not well - tatoo not withstanding. And, props to Destiney for not using that to illicit some sympathy on the show.

We find out that Ambre is lying about her age. They cast dispersions on what else she's lying about. This brutha's sayin this is her only non-truth. We like Ambre too much to believe that she's just spewing fabrications all over. BTW, did anyone notice that Ambre's dad has a maroon and orange jacket?

Destiney turns into a psycho groupie chick dancin to the video. This girl has real issues. I'm thinking aside from the aggression issues, she's a manic-depressive. At what point should we be checking her meds? And, while we are checking hers, take a look at everyone else's...

He takes Daisy to this rock palace, Rainbow. And Daisy is "honored" to be taken there. It is a freaking restaurant. Yeah, this girl is looped. And finally Bret goes for the throat with Daisy. 'Bout time to get to the bottom of what she's spewin. Alli's thinking this is VERY uncomfortable for Charles' sister. Yeah, I'd agree. Everyone wants her brother's sex life out on national television. And Daisy lives life "in color". What the heck is that? Great line from Bret, "Thanks a lot, Kodachrome!"

Oooh, back to the house. Ambre's dad cuts to the bone. He asks a pointed, direct question to Destiney and she whiffed. "What's life going to be like if he chooses Destiney?" And she's got nothing. Destiney thinks that her life will just go back to normal. Yeah, this girl is in it for the experience of being a groupie. There's little going on upstairs besides being a rock girl.

And finally Bret admits that he's tired of being lied to by Daisy.

Oh, this is good to see the parents have a conversation together without the girls Genuinely good peeps.

Props to Bret for trying to do something nice for Destiney's dad with the motorcycle ride. For their date, Bret takes Destiney to a tattoo parlor. And she wants the RoL logo on the back of her neck. This girl is screwed up. She wants this tattoo to remember the experience. Yep, this makes all of the sense in the world. She'd in it for the experience, not for the guy. Her life is complete just being a groupie. In a way, smarter than getting Bret's name on your neck, but at the same time, she completely missed the point.

Dinner with Ambre and her father. Bret's calling her out with the age deal. Man, this is the House of Lies. Allie's thinking that this is a minor issue and I'd agree. Chicks are funny with the age thing and they are the source of much evil (think Eve), but this is pish-posh. She's been so honest, he better not screw this up over a set of tits.

And then a funny thought came to me. The day that Destiney got a tattoo for the show she could get booted. Wow, would that suck? That's worse than droppin a c-note at dinner and getting told that your date is "sort seeing someone," as you drop her off afterwards.

Girls in a bedroom chit-chatting. Ambre is just one open wound. Man, this girl could be in for a big fall at the end of the day. We get to watch Destiney just totally screw herself. Why in the world would you give the other girls ammunition? We all know that she's on the show for the experience, but to intimate that she wants a rock star, any rock star, was a poor strategic move. So I ask again, how did she make it to the final three? Look at Daisy goin for blood. The gloves are off.

Elimination:
Bret speaks to each one of them with their plusses and minuses. He just laid out a line of crapola with Destiney. He used her father's illness and her "transition" that is pending to say that their relationship may be at the wrong time. He just can't be honest about this girl. Does she have a picture of him screwing a goat or something? So, Destiney comes clean that her goal was to be a part of the show. If this doesn't take her down, we're at a total loss - she'd be like a cockroach after nuclear war that just won't die.

Finally he tosses Destiney to the side. Thankfully she's gone. Man, I've been looking for this for weeks.

Nice boob-adjust by Daisy as she approaches Bret for the group hug. What is amazing is that there's nothing in common between these two: a mid-thirties TV show host and a 24 year-old stripper.

So a year from now, what kind of conversation would Daisy and Bret have? He'll come home from a two-week stint on the road, tired, sore, voice scratchy and she'll be there. Just had her face filled with botox and collogen and her fortieth voice lesson that month to no avail. "Hey Bret, like how wuz like the tour? Like I like just had my like ex over for like the weekend, but like we didn't like have sex. Like, yeah, like he stayed in like my room, but like we just like talked. Like, he's like out of like money and like needed like somewhere to like stay. So, like how waz like the tour? Like, I'm like glad your like home. Like, we were like naked last night, like just like talking, and like I like thought about like the tour. Like can you like get Charles like a job? Hey, like I wrote like some like poetry in between like shifts at the like Alaskan Bush Company. Like do you like know like how much like poetry is like music lyrics? Like that's like so like amazing. Like what's like the big like deal? Like, yeah, like we were like naked, but like there was no like sex. Like why like can't you like trust me?"

Don't forget - Thursday night, 9:30 the "Clip Show" and then the finale next week. Will there be ROL 3??? Will Bret find love??? Will we have to find a new show to blog?????????

Episode Ten - The Vegas Years

After a full week to think about it, we still think that Heather is a better match for Bret than any of these girls and she should throw them all out of the plane on the way to Vegas.

Opening:

And at the beginning I'm just disliking Destiney. There's just something I don't like about her. I could be her unbelievably grating voice. Oh, and did love the recap of the napkin spew from Branbi M and Laci falling sloppily off of the bar. Allie still feels sorry for the poor butler.

Golf outfits and Destiney has the pigtail look going. Heather jerks the girls around with their hair. Bret has the balls to comment on their hair. Has anyone seen what he's got going??

Heather asks Daisy and Ambre if they've hooked up with Bret. And Daisy comes clean that she and Bret are doin the nasty, like 500 times. Ooooh, look at Heather's face. She is sooo jealous. I think the question stung a little bit. She forgot the principle rule that you don't ask a question like that if you don't know, or want to hear, the answer.

Jealous Heather shows up again stating that none of the girls are perfect for Bret. Tough call here whether she's just stirring the pot with the emotionally fragile and mentally challenged Daisy, or if she's making her play.

Ambre brings out the dirt on Daisy. She's a gold digger. How in the world do you go in debt for a boob job? And if you do, you better be stripping your butt off to pay for the ta-ta's. See, when she gets them boobies there's got to be a purpose. Wait, maybe I'm seeing it now. She's using those fun-bags to find a guy that will pay for her life, but she doesn't know when to say when.

Now we're at dinner and he's figuring out that Daisy is one complete liar. And she's not clearing this up at all. She's full of shit. Yeah, my butt that she hasn't slept with anyone in two years and she lives with wife-beater guy (WBG) 'cus he doesn't have a job. And she has one?? What can this girl possibly do that people would pay her for that doesn't involve either stripping or hookin? "There's a lot to me," really? Like what? Oh, now 'cus she had to have an abortion and WBG was there for support. This girl is laying BS all day long. Don't you have to have sex to need an abortion? Hmmmmmm.

Ahhhhh, it comes clear. She's a dancer. Yeah, this makes all of the sense in the world. Yep, two weeks in the house and she's starting to come clean. We're back to the hotel and Heather is working over the topic of Daisy with the rest of the girls. I wonder is Heather, being a former dancer herself, figured out Daisy's secret employment. Maybe there's some special, secret stripper-speak that only the boobilicious know.

Destiney throws a tantrum on the pool table. Yeah, this chick has the maturity of a twelve year old. Make that a five year old. Oh snap, Jessica brings up the phrase "its gonna be on like Donkey Kong." Someone tell me that's from a movie or a song on one of the urban stations. I'm thinking that Donkey Kong itself is older than Jessica. We now remember that Destiney is a Kung Fu Fighter from the first episode. This could get physical. Sweet, cat-fight.

Daisy and Ambre are back and it is on with Destiney. Destiney has a hair trigger Temper with a Capital T. Ambre goes on the attack? Cutting to the bone. This is just as Heather planned it. I'm thinking Heather took lessons from Laci and turned it up a notch. Yeah, that's it. Heather figures if he's gonna wind up with a stripper, it is gonna be her. And we harken back to the early episodes with Angelique, sweet Frenchie that she is, mentioned that she was the only stripper in the show. There's something afoot that Daisy knew from the first season that Bret isn't into strippers anymore after some long blah-blah relationship with one back in the "Every Rose" days. This is a girl of deception. And has anyone noticed that she is spouting the same responses that KJ had?

Ambre throws out an "F you! Bi-otch!" There's just the house of anger. Yep, they are all ganging up on her and she gets into it with Heather. Heather throws a drink and we still haven't had Destiney step in. Man, I can't wait to see what happens when she gets her dander up. Heather has had it with Daisy. It is over for her.

Now we're on to Bret's place. Jessica has taken a huge leap here. On the golf course she's making all of the shots and all of the moves with kisses. Then we get to Bret's room and she puts herself first in front of everyone to kiss him. She's staking her claim. Even without the stuff with Daisy going on I'd have to say that she's put herself in the fray.

Blackjack and a powder keg is ready to blow. This is getting great. And Daisy just goes off after Destiney antagonizes her. It keeps elevating. Bret is walking away. Who the hell wants to be with a guy who just walks away? And Heather gets into it too. Oh, and he shows some stones and comes back to the table. And then falls for the whole thing. What a dumbass comforting Daisy. This guy has fallen for her F-sized boobs.

I've figured it out. Destiney's voice is the most grating thing about her. Monotone, nasaly, and angry. And Bret is sending Heather home to "finish this on my own." And Heather is not happy that she's leaving. Yeah, we had it nailed. Heather was planning to spin this for her own favor. At least he sacked up by deciding to finally put himself into this. He's been hosebag through a good portion of this show with no real effort while putting the girls through the gauntlet.

"Daisy is a bottomless pit of turmoil." Yeah, she's that. BAM! She used to "date" C.C. ? And she lies her ass off and says that there was nothing physical between her and CC? That's such a damned lie. You are gonna tell me that the lead guitarist for Poison that has had/seen/done/thrown away dozens of girls much hotter than Daisy and he didn't do her? Oh, and he was calling her and he didn't do her? C'mon, who does she think we are? How stupid does she think Bret is? And how many more things can keep coming out of this girls closet? I opined last week that she can only have done so much being 24, but this girl has got a u-haul full of baggage. Does she think he can't just call CC up and ask?

Didn't Daisy go after KJ a few weeks ago? Did I mis-remember that? And now she's making up excuses as to why she isn't coming clean.

Elimination:

Yeah, Daisy needs to go. Nice flower in Destiney's hair? Are we putting lipstick on a pig? Trying to make herself someone she's not?

You have to be kidding me. He kept Daisy for another day. What an idiot. What in the world besides a pair of tits and lips like a life-preserver? Moron.

And we have a cry-fest. Weepy women. This is one sure way to make a guy flaccid.

He calls out Jessica's youth. She has a great response that he is the one that need to put faith in her. She's no Ambre, but Jessica has some fans at 237. And he keeps Destiney. Again he just does not show any semblence of good decision making. He just fabricated an excuse to kick her off. Kinda like breaking up with a girl in high school 'cus you don't know what the rest of the guys would say if they knew you dated her. Sad that he had to make something up just to get rid of her. Yep, she's this season's Mia.

So alas, we leave this week disappointed, but expecting to see Daisy can come out with more garbage. This house is thinking that we're down to Daisy or Ambre and unfortunately thinking that Daisy is the winner. Man, what a let down.

Episode Nine - The Wheat From the Chaff

OK, so there's been some discusstion from last week regarding the dinner voting. Yep, I'd had a little to drink and mis-remembered. Apparently the leaders in the Richmond dinner voting were Ambre and Megan. KJ was summarily dismissed by the group, but she was still my favorite.

An additional discussion around the hizzouse is what makes Megan hot? The answer is her height and smokin body. This author will have to admit that she's not the prettiest one in the group. And she can come off as a complete moron at times, but really, who cares. She's just there to look at.

We did see the previews for this coming episode. I think it is fair to say that none of these chicks rock like Heather. Revisionist history says if he'd picked her last year there just may not have been a season two. But what I really liked about the trailer is that Heather seems to have the ability not only to shed her own clothes in the blink of an eye, but she can get others to do so also. The trailer shows scenes of the chicks have them in bikinis, drankin, and cuddlin on the couch and chair and hot tub.

Oh, and for my thoughts that Megan would take what effectively was a TOTAL REJECTAMUNDO by Bret to heart - yeah, don't see it. I'm just not sure that girl's got it in her. She'll just go back to the Playboy mansion and troll around there for a while when the show is over.


On with the show.

And we open up with Daisy the moron reading, not her best skill, and Destiney complaining, one of her better skills. Possibly Destiney's best, second only to screaming and pointing her finger.

And Bret states the House of Lies. Now this is getting good. Nice driving hat on Destiney's ex-husband. What, did she want to spend her life on the English coutryside passing Grey Poupon out the window? And Ambre gets off the hook with her best friend. And Daisy used to date a Tommy Lee wanna be. This totally fits. She's as much of a skank as I always expected.

And Bret brings Heather out. This is a combination of two episodes of last season when the parents came out (loved it) and the groupie interviews (no so much). I'm hoping for flaming sword tossing and alligator wrestling somewhere in here. Maybe this year one girl can get a Bret nipple ring instead of a tattoo.

Drankin with Heather:
This girl is a machine. And the guys are lame as can be with no one will smoke a cigar. What a bunch of hose-bags. Christ, can this be any lamer? A bunch of pussies is what we're seein. Yeah Bret, lame idea. Since the wusses won't dive into an awewsome cigar bar, take them out and shoot some guns or something. See what kind of game these numb-nuts have got. Put them in those Sumo suits and wear it out. Wait, so now the dirt on Megan's previous TV experience comes out. yeah, she's gone. Can we go through eight episodes before this comes out? Finally. It takes getting Heather on the show to get something, ANYTHING about these chicks. But, didn't the producers do any research on this kind of thing? They can find their ex-boyfriends but not whether they have been on TV or not before?

We're finally finding Destiney's motivation. She's an uber groupie. Now it makes some sense. Bret should make her show her devotion by having her blow Vince Neal. She either won't do it or she'll fall "in love" with Vince instead.

One other guy smoked. Chicken shits.

Oooh, Megan calls Jessica out. She showed some sack there. Possibly more to Megan than shown. Hate to do it, but she's right. One, she didn't say anything mean or nasty about Jessica and two, she's probably right that Jessica is too nice.

What's with all the crying? Jessica's crying. The trailers show Daisy cryin. And these chicks were all over KJ for the crying and Daisy has cried at least the last three episodes. Daisy crying just isn't good. All of that collogen crammed into a shriveling mass. Kinda like a cabbage patch doll that's pressed against glass. And Jessica gets tough and tells Daisy to hold back. Now this show is getting real.

So Heather wonders how much dirt there is on the chicks. Not that this is a surprise, but they are a bunch of freakin liars. They all got onto KJ for being honest and "real" and all of the drama and now we find out that all of these bitches are lyin. Daisy lives with her old boyfriend. "They haven't been physical for two years," and her excuse is they "signed a lease together." What did they sign, a ten-year lease? And she's not getting physical with Mr. "I'm gonna be on national TV so I better wear my best wife-beater and Bandana"? What a bunch of crapola. The house has turned in to the Den of Deceit.

Who ever knew that Heather could have such game?? Giver her one ounce of Bret-cred and she just takes the reigns. Daisy is a wreck. She's as bad as KJ.

I'm lovin the guy standin up for Ambre. He's asking the questions we've been dying to ask. Shit, he took them to Dave and Buster's. Screw that, take them skydiving. See what kinda sack they got.

And we're back to the house and Jessica is a bit drunk and upset at how everyone thinks she's so nice. And this is a problem? How? She wants to be a nasty girl instead? So to prove herself to Bret she needs to blow the offensive line of the Oakland Raiders? And we hate to say it(especially Allie), but Megan is being about as honest as she can be regarding Jessica. Yeah, in a self-serving kinda way, but it is honesty. And more crying. Jessica is crying. This is turning into a daytime drama. She's upset about her "innocence" and she just mentioned pinky-swearing. Man, you can't make this up.

And we've got our requisite vomiting. Yep, you know what I say about nice girls vomiting - date 'em. (Allie says that about nice guys too except her policy is to marry them).

A time out about Heather. Last season I figures she'd blow up to 250 lbs. after the show was over. Props to her for staying fit while her earning power is still high. Heather drops the bomb on Daisy. If her old boyfriend didn't come clean about that then she needs to go. Oh yes, Heather confirms that Megan has a great rack (see above).

Hold the damned phone!!! Did Megan's old boyfriend just nail her big time? First, he describes her perfectly regarding her selfishness. She mocks him and he jabs right back, in brutal, refreshing honesty, and makes her cry. Who in the hell thought that she could actually cry about anything? Don't tell me after all of this that she actually has some depth. What a shocker.

Will Ambre cry? Seems like it is almost her turn.

Bret and Heather just eliminated all five girls in half an hour. Allie thinks they should kick all the girls off the show tonight and the rest of the shows should be about how he and Heather get married and move to Hawaii.

Bret puts himself between Daisy and her roommate with no benefits. I'm thinking there's a bunch more lyin going on here. He's a moron if he keeps Daisy. If neither of them had the sack to bring it up then she should go on principle. Yep, he's an idiot if he chooses anyone but Ambre. With this new roommate info, Daisy will become the new KJ.

And Megan just plain lied to his face regarding Ambre's tattle regarding Megan's ex. Damn, she's good. Can we roll back the film for Bret's benefit?

Elimination:
We're dying to know what is going through Heather's mind right now. Seeing things from the other side of the fence. Daisy gets a pass. Stupid. And now she comes clean to the camera that she has other skeletons in her closet. Didn't he just tell her to come clean? Man, what a moron - both her and him for keeping her around. And just for thought, how many skeletons can a 24 year old have? Boobs are fake (duh), has a child (maybe), lips are fake (no shit), she and "wearing mah Sunday best" live in a van down by the river . . . what could it be???

I'm thinking Megan's bold-faced lie is going to get her through at the commercial break.

And I'm wrong??? Megan is a goner. Puke breath Jessica is the final pick. Glad she didn't trip on her heels on the way down there since I am pretty sure she's still totally hammered. I don't think Megan takes rejection well. Heck, I don't think she takes rejection at all. It is all so easy for her since she's so hot she can't deal with rejection. Just stand there and shake your head and it will aaaaaalllllllllllll go away. I'm thinking in her real life, when Megan doesn't get her way with a man she just pops out a boob and things change - tough to do on camera.

As an aside. We are now through the ninth episode and I still can't tell you that I know what these girls do for a living. We've learned nothing about these girls from the show. We welcome Heather back and Thank GOD for abilities to pull out the dirt!!!!!

Episode Eight

Two weeks of a break and now we're back. They lead us in with the recap of last episode. Man, we LOVE this show. Down to six babes.

After a few drinks this weekend we took a poll of the gang and it sounds like KJ and Ambre are the faves. It was agreed by all of the male members that Megan is hot.

So we open with KJ drama. Man, this chick just oozes drama. Because of something Bret says she makes the call, literally, to finalize the divorce with her second husband. She's coming off like one of those chicks that just can't live a life without drama and if there isn't any, she'll make some. Kinda like Hilary Clinton.

Ambre's commentary is histerical. She's got KJ nailed. While I can't back down from my early, early prediction that KJ's the one, this chick is definitely a flake and a half. She's the kinda girl you knew in high school, that hot cheerleader, but just drives you crazy with ups and downs.

Anyone notice that Ambre's game is really stepping up. She's feeling the pressure and ... WHOAH, where the hell did that come from? They are picking teams for the video shoot and Jessica, sweet little Jessica, shit-talks KJ calling her a "crabby ho". Do we have this girl wrong? Is she a panther in a fuzzy kitten's clothing? Savage attack from out of left field from the girl who hasn't shown an opinion in two months. This is getting better all the time.

But back to Ambre. She's got spirit. Really feeling the pressure and this could haunt her. She may start to get all tight and shit and start coming apart at the seams. She did fumble on the big play in the football game. Maybe she's got performance anxiety. You know, takes the SAT with no time limits, that kinda thing.

And Jessica takes another shot. This time against Daisy. This girl has much more than we've been shown. Daisy wants to make a strip-club theme. While I appreciate the sex for money industry as much as any guy, this is almost too easy. How can this girl not be a stripper? What in the world does she do for a living.

And AGAIN we're thrown off by Jessica's sudden personality and frankness. Have they been hiding this all along? We need Senator Spektor to hold a hearing. She just said that Daisy should "hold the camera like is a big c*ck and focus." Nice editing job by VH1 to put a rooster/cock crowing as the sound that bleeps out the word.

Yeah, Ambre is going over the edge. And Megan's getting pretty mean by calling Ambre old. This house is just spilling over with spite. I'm thinking we need a challenge of a pillow fight just so we can see them take it out on each other. In lingerie of course and spiked heels. With a jello-wrestling finale.

What I really love is that these women have no qualms about wearing nearly nothing all day. Watching the "fallen" video and Megan is trying to get KJ out of bed wearing nothing but skimpy undies (Ed. note - her crack was showing). This is a great show!!!

Now we're on the other video. Jessica can be as hot as she wants to be.

So Ambre gets a solo date with Bret. Yeah, she's gonna be performing.

Destiney has really got it out for KJ. What is with this girl? She just stars screaming at KJ. Then Daisy kicks in on the same vein (not the vein that Ambre will be seeing later). Just yelling at her and shit. Allie's thinking there's much more going on than they are showing us. This is outright hatred spewing out of the mouths of these babes. Who needs writers?? And now Daisy's crying? Man, they are all getting tense. The pressure is making the fragile psyches of the women-folk on the show crumble like a toilet paper hammock in the rain.

Ambre's solo date is with a witch-doctor? Honestly, she kinda perked up at her own suggestion of a threesome. This girl could have one heck of a playful side. And KJ decides to step in to satiate her own fears and interrupt the date. Oh, could he be wearing more eye makeup when he answers the door? This guy's image of himself is too much.

KJ's soul is in turmoil? I don't think we should confuse that with a Turmoil of Hotness. And Bret gives the gift of Shakra for KJ. Yeah, I don't think that was what she was expecting. And the other girls are crying while he spends time with Bret. And Jessica is crying!?!?!?!?!?! We've got a funeral going on in the hallway. And Destiney is spewing venom. It is just oozing from every girl in the house.

While Megan is a total ditz, props to her for taking her game to another level. She put on the full frontal assault.

And back at the house Ambre throws a hissy-fit at KJ. Man, this girl gets it from every end. There is no safe haven anywhere in the house. She needs to sleep with Big John for sanctuary. Allison has paralleled KJ with Laci from last year. She's the one in the center of all of the turmoil and they keep her around for a more dramatic show.

Now, on to the elimination set up. As Bret and Big John are coming down the hallway, I quote my future wife "look at Bret's shlong as he turns the corner. Does he have a boner??" Now I'm concerned. Not only is my bride-to-be looking at another guys package, but she uses the word "boner." And for the record, he did look pretty "happy." (Ed. Note: How many times have I had to hear about how hot all these girls are. Can't a sister enjoy the only schlong on the show????)

It is fair to note that while Ambre got the first pass, she was inches from elimination a few episodes ago. Saved by the self-selection of the butt-shaker from the first episode.

And Destiney stays again. WTF?? What does this girl have? I see nothing from this girl, but bitching. Worst body on the show, grating voice AND blatantly hostile to my girl KJ.

It is between KJ and Megan. My fave vs. the Turmoil of Hotness. How in the world can Megan go before Destiney and Daisy the dumb-ass?

KJ self-selects. That was the right move. We are going to need a new lightening rod.

So now this has to be one HUGE blow to Megan. As stated before, Megan thinks the world should be hers just 'cus she's hot. She's gonna be staying in the house for another day by nothing but by the grace of KJ. Talk about Karma bein a bitch. I wonder if this will be some sort of epiphany for her. A wake up call of sorts. A real kick in the nuts if you will. And Bret says that he would "love" to have Megan in the house. Yeah, that had to be real comforting. I'm sure there were some real robust self defense mechanisms kicking right about now.

Then he leaves for what I'm sure will be a beer or eight with Big John.

Episode Seven

OK, so there's been some deep, deep thoughts this week at 237 regarding the RoL2. Specifically regarding how little we know about the remaining contestants. We've looked at the info on vh1.com to give ourselves some background, but we haven't really picked up anything from the show except for KJ. Think about it, what do you know about Megan, Jessica, Inna, Ambre, Destiney, and Daisy? By this time last season we knew about Laci's band, Heather's a stripper that's gonna quit, Jes was a hairdresser and had only been in one real relationship, we knew everything about Rodeo and her son, and we knew that Brandi M was also a stripper, had brothers and loved sports. We know something about Catherine (from Montana, has kids, used to be in horror flicks as Elvira) and KJ (serial marrital issues, got a kid). What does anyone do for a living?

Just a thought for mid-week.

On to the show. Allie is predicting a disaster at the VFW.

Opening:
Starting to feed the fire where everyone is out for KJ. The girl's got a target on her back.

Inna's feeling bad. Bret says to "open up and step up to the plate." What the hell does that mean?

And a predition re-iterated from Allie. "If he's sincere about supporting the troops, then he shouldn't do this 'cus it is gonna get ugly in a disrespectful kinda way..."

I'm loving that he's making them pick their pairs. I see a potential cat fight coming down. Damn, I hope so. Megan and Jessica "practiced". Damn I love this show! Could Megan's shorts be any smaller? How bout what's in her noggin? They are reading the preamble to the constitution and Megan has never heard some of these words.

Daisy is gonna sing. Possibly the hardest song you'd every want to try, the Star Spangled Banner. Allie predicts disaster all the way around saying she should have picked "America the Beautiful" instead. I'm backing her up with this.

The Show:
Oh my goodness. These are OLD people. Serious veterans. Bret has made a massive PR mistake. No good can come from this. Is it wrong to continue to watch one horrific train wreck??

Megan and Jessica start stripping. In front of 80 year old veterans Wholly shitake mushrooms!! This is brual. If this keeps up I'm gonna have to start watching American Idol. Allie wants to know if the VFW knew that they were in for a "parade of skanks." I'm thinking no.

Ok, but their stripping was pretty "innocent" compared to what comes next! Destiney shows her ass. Then Inna spanks her ass. Even the young guys in the crowd are losing it on these two. I wish I had something funny or insightful about this, but there is just nothing coming to mind. Thongs for God's sake. The crassness of these two is really beyond words - these are old veterans - so so so tacky.

And Daisy. Dressed like a whore and she screws up the words OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM in front of the Vets. And gets dissed by Jessica. Finally, Jessica says something. Woooo, we have a contestant in Jessica.

We'd like to thank the editors for making this look better than what we think really happened.

Voting:

And Hoola Hoops for our Troops pulled it out. Pracitally nekked in their own right, but nekked with class. Yep, that gets them the date.

Dinner:

And Bret just threw gas on the fire from the get go. Who's here for the right reasons and who for the wrong. Daisy, Megan, and Inna whiffed. He's calling them out and Ambre goes out on the limb. "I'm not one to throw someone under the bus" but here comes the 287 and right on time. Then she throws KJ down hard. That is wrong, wrong, wrong. She called out my girl. Damn, not just calling her out, she just stepped on her throat and kicked her in the head. Allie's thinking that this is a brilliant move by Ambre since she's been so honest and nice up to now that her words carry more weight. And the cat fight ensues. Destiney steps in and it gets ugly. This is exactly what Bret was asking for. And now he's "pissed"??? WTF??? He stirred the pot and then isn't happy with the result. He came off like a little bitch here.

Oh, and Bret then goes to see her. He's a piece of shit here. She was honest back to him and he whiffed. He's calling her crazy and then jerkin her around. Damn I'm envious again.


The Date:
And Allison again states her appreciation for Jessica. Megan gets a little bitchy and talks down about Jessica. Allie then restates her utter dislike for Megan. There's a point here. Megan is hot and thinks that the whole world is gonna be good to her since she's hot. She thinks her hotness is her ticket to everything and she deserves to be on easy street.

Ambre and KJ make up but KJ says that she doesn't care about making up with Ambre. I think we're seeing her personality traits coming clean. The reason she's twice divorced and has issues 'cus she's damned selfish and ready to quit at the drop of a hat. She leaves everything to the other person's call - if he wants me, cool. If he doesn't want me, he should let me go. Whatever. Allie's upset at KJ's reaction is unwarranted since Ambre didn't have to try to make it up with her and it speaks to Ambre's roommate cred more than it does to KJ. None of the the othah bitches would have been so cool as to make the peace with their roomdog.

Back to the date. Megan's hot. Allison still loves Jessica and hates Megan. And they get on about Inna and the battle she had with the woman from the USO. Bret goes on about Inna for a bit talking about how he's lost her in the crowd. Here's where I'm calling BS to our boy Bret. Someone, please, tell me one thing that he's seen in Destiney? Talk about someone who has had a free ride on the show. He's tanking Inna (get it, "tanking" the Romanian love tank) who showed some kind of connection to him and doesn't get onto the lack of effort by Destiney - that we have seen so far. Oh, and Allie says that Megan's boobs are sagging, I'm of no mind on that topic. (Editor's note: They're sagging.)

Pause on the DVR: Allison predicts an exit for Inna with a nod towards KJ. I'm still on Megan's boobs. (Editor's note: Still sagging. Try a bra, on sale now at most major retailors.)


The Elimination:

I've decided, you might be able to tell, that I don't like Destiney. She's combative with no reason to back it up.

We've both confirmed that Ambre is a cut way above anyone in the show in maturity and character.

We're seeing a strong parallel between Jessica and Mia from season one. Cute little hottie and a genuinely nice person. But ultimately too good for Bret (Allie).

Oh, I'm on the total BS machine right now. He's an asshole, and since it takes one to know one, I'm allowed to judge here. He said that he takes responsibility for not spending much time with Daisy over the last few days. He acts so noble, like a freakin knight in shining armor, toward Daisy when he just called out Inna the morning before for not asserting herself and dug up dirt on her at lunch. I'm starting to think that this guy is a real head-case, or he's getting input from other places during the show that makes him contradict previous comments and actions. But, if you are a successful singer/songwriter/musician and you need a reality show to find your "true love", then I can't help you.

Did I mention that Megan's hot???

And the last pass goes to . . . .

KKKKKJJJJJJJJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a LOT of jiggle in Inna as she left. The tank has left the amory.

And now Ambre's hackles are up. This could get ugly. Wait, it is already ugly.

See you in two weeks - according to ads, we have a week off before a new one.

Episode Six - The Nasty Nine

Big thoughts here. Bret pulls one out of the bag and doesn't send anyone home last week, but promises to send two home this week. I gots the feelin at least one of the undistinguished are gone - Destiney, Jessica, or Catherine. I'm saying Jessica.



Opening:

"country boy is still in my soul"? Has anyone EVER mistaken Bret for Kenny Chesney?? Peg Bundy (Catherine) with the braids!! Does she sell burgers on the side??

Rodeo is back. Wooo-hooo!! Sweet pictures of the fallen contestants, especially Heather. In retrospect, I'm pretty thankful that he didn't choose Heather last year 'cus there'd never be a Season Two.

Megan "they don't know what it is like to go through life being hot. The turmoil of hotness." I know they just settled their beef in LA, but the TV writers can go back on strike for all I care. Those back-screen scribes could never come up with the "turmoil of hotness"? Shear poetry. Shakespeare at its finest. The only saving grace is that she's top five hot so Bret won't dump her just yet.

Damn, where's the weather machine for the rodeo. That would make it great. Bret needs to know that a girl will jsut get dirty for him. Would the parallel of the girls chasing a greased pig and chasing Bret's big fat hog be too much? I didn't think so either.

And no-name (Jessica) gets a solo date. And Catherine's whining. She's pulled an o-fer. Love the outdoor fireplace. That is sweet. Need to petition the homeowners association for that permit.

Group Date:

Dining in the dark. Unbelievable. Talk about a nitch idea. You could teabag someone's glass and who'd know? Just a fantastic idea. And KJ is gettin it on. Way to go baby! Switchin seats, good plan for Ambre. And Destiney has to pull down her skirt . . . from her shoulders. A little stinky pinky for Bret? Or stinky wrist? And he's coppin a feel on Ambre, nice move. What a fantastic restaurant concept and major points to whoever the producer is that found that place for a date.

Man, he's playing total head games with KJ. She's nearly blowing him in Opaque and he responds with "you aren't open for me." What??? I mean, messin with hot chick's heads would be a little fun, but this guy is brutal. Lucky bastard.

Catherine makes the move for breakfast in bed for Bret. Shifting from MCP for a moment, good for her. Way to take the game to him. Way to show some balls, not literally like Peyton can, but a strong move. I don't think it will do anything for her, but that's the kinda stuff he's looking for. Back to MCP. He REALLY needs to take her on a date to a hair salon.

Megan is a dream. There is no bruising her "hot girl" ego.

Jessica's date:

Damn, her skirt is a cross between a postage stamp and a fabric swatch. Add the CFM boots and you just can't miss. Starting the paintball. Bret's doublin. He's got the cammo-dana over the black one. Man this guy's got issues with the hair. Great sound effects "Bret nooooooooooo!" Oh, she's no dummy. She's all about strokin his ego and he's totally into that.

Daisy wants to make sure that Bret sees her when he gets home. Yep, heels behind her ears,she's ready. And Peyton shows up with a note as he enters the house. Yeah, passing notes was cute in third grade and all, but enough's enough for this she-man.

Elimination:

Suddenly thinking my prediction is wrong. The commercial break leading into the date made things look bad for Jessica. Now she looks reasonably strong. Bastards are just teasing us. Jessica was nearly going and now has stepped up. Yep, she's strokin the ego and he's lovin it.

Allie has declared her hate for Megan. Obviously she doesn't buy into the turmoil of hotness.

There's a clear hate for KJ in that house. Women can be so catty . . .

Down to the last three and Allie thinks Catherine stays. I'ma sayin Inna the Love Tank keeps on rollin in the house.

And Inna stays!! And we have to say good-bye to Peg Bundy and the she-male.