Gasp, the Finality of it all!!!

So we come to the end of another season. The general consensus at 237 is that this will NOT be the last of RoL. Somehow, some way, Bret will screw up whatever he has with whoever he picks. Or, if he chooses Daisy, he'll find out how little she has to offer. Yeah, she has a LOT to offer within like, her bra, but nothing to offer upstairs, like.

That being said, a friendly household bet has broken out. Dinner at Ruth's Chris is on the line. And I've got the moron. Yep, I'm riding those huge fun-bags to a filet, sweet potato pie, and a spicy Cabernet. Who says a brutha can't make a dime off the work of vapid women. Damn, I'd be raking it in like a pimp. Of course there is the issue that I can't stand Daisy and believe her to be a complete moron. Eh, who cares, I'm talkin quality beef bi-yatch.

The threesome are headed to to Cancun. Somehow I'm betting that they aren't gonna be hangin at Posada Laguna - their loss. Senior Frog's? Carlos n Charlie's?

And now, on with the show . . .

Ambre is "one of the best kissers he's ever kissed". That has to be one HUGE number.

Oh, and just for the record before we get anywhere, it was a slow week at work for Allie so there's been a great deal of research on the show this week. If you get the time, check out vh1.com and read Heather's and Destiney's exit interview. There's more to Destiney that they didn't show (and I couldn't believe) and more going on between Bret and Heather that they didn't show.

Bret's down to Ambre and Daisy, "and Big John gets sloppy seconds" chimes in from the peanut gallery.

Oh, Cancun looks as good as ever. A fantastic looking resort with great beverages right out the door. And we get a traditional Mayan dance upon entry. Great view of the ocean and we notice that there's a full moon out. Prepare for craziness.

They go to dinner and he's got some questions to ask. And in a major plot twist, Daisy has questions for him too. And she's written them down. Ooooh, and before we can comment on her ability to read and write, Ambre's beaten us to the punch. Yeah, this could get a little ugly. Sweet. Daisy asks about what else he thinks about her, and he loads on a bunch of BS. The best part is that she's such a moron that whatever he says, she'll believe. Ambre calls her out as being without any substance. Now we were all thinkin it, but Ambre says it, in front of Bret. AND they have to sleep in the same room. Sweeter. Someone may die in the middle of the night...that would make the finale that much more entertaining for it to turn into Cancun CSI. Take the black light to Bret's room, ewwwwww.

Back in the room, Ambre calls her out and it could backfire on her. She pushes for the kiss with Bret and is trying to assert her sexuality.

So, Daisy calls her out as well. Is Ambre doing this for the experience, not for the guy? Wow, Daisy throws it right back. Props to the mouth-breather for firing right back. This is just fantastic. Who knew that Daisy had it in her? She's putting up a good head game. She's going for the gusto.

During commercial fast-forwards, we're trying to vision Bret's life with either girl. We figure that there is nothing that he can't do with Ambre. Take her to a concert, museum, rock climbing, bike riding, anything. Not saying that she'd be great at everything, but she's smart, and physical enough in her lifestyle that she'd be up for anything and high energy. At the same time, imagine Bret taking Daisy to a cancer fundraiser (remember the VFW experience) where she says to the principal scientist, "um, like, wow, like, that was a fantastic presentation, like I was amazed at the colors on the screen while you, like talked. Would that surgery be, like, painful? 'Cus I've had some, like, surgeries, you know."

Wow, the tension in the girls' room is palpable. They show Daisy laying on the bed with the newspaper in front of her. I naturally think she's been killing time doing a crossword or sudoku. Oh, brain fart, then I snapped back to the reality that it is Daisy. Then the gallery chimes in about Daisy's tats. When she's old and flabby, what that full-length arm tattoo gonna look like? New name for Daisy's "band", Tat-n-Tits.

Ambre gets ugly. They are doing their best to top last year's "I don't want to get the smell of him off of me." They are nasty on each other.

Ambre's not wearing any underwear. You know, for a moment, it does look like she's forcing it a bit. When you look at her she comes off as the over-achiever, class valedictorian that is saying all of the right things to get into Harvard. She's doing some calculating and making a plan. Wonder what her Alabama father is thinking as he's watching this "Fatal Attraction" move. She is putting it out there, and by it, I think you know what I mean. . .

Thus, we have the classic battle, brains versus boobs. The ancient Romans wrote about this in the time of Julius Ceasar. Why, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Oh, and we noticed that there was no issue of the girls sleeping in the same room. Somehow the producers found a way around that. Man, those are some smart people.

Daisy on a boat, off shore, fishing. Did anyone notice how knock-kneed she is? I've noted that Ambre is a little thick-legged, but knock-kneed is just bad. Oh, nice trip in her flip-flops when she arrives. So they start to chat and he's going down the road of how sexy she is, but then he's blabbing about an emotional attachment. Oh, this guy is so full of it and she's so blank that she buys it hook, line, and sinker. He's putting her through the third-degree about her goals in life. She's sure that she "knows what she wants and doesn't want." Really, like what? Methinks she "wants" drama in her life. She just doesn't have the horsepower upstairs and can't in any way verbalize any goals.

And we have some chummin. This could not be any funnier. Who among us hasn't been there? We get Gilligan's Island music while Daisy is blowing chunks. At least we now know what Bret can look forward to when he finds out how she stays skinny. For you sympathy pukers out there, you get my sympathy 'cus there's a strong view of gallons of chum going overboard when she tosses cookies. Yes, I said chum - keep it clean.

Daisy gets ugly on Ambre to Bret during dinner. Bad mouthing her at dinner. Could that be a good thing for her to trash the competition during this great dinner he set up?

Allie hopes they changed the sheets. Oh, Bret takes her to a different bed. Smooth bed.

For the fiftieth time we hear Bret said "Daisy may just be the girl for me." What kinda message are they trying to send? Man, they are taunting the hell out of us. Brutha's a little low on cash these days and Ruth's Chris ain't cheap.

Ambre is stewing. Daisy is acting like she's twelve. Ambre is upset that Daisy doesn't talk to her??? This is a classic stupid conversation. Ambre calls her two-faced. Why would she care. Why would either of them care. Daisy is crying again. Someone roll back the tape and count who cried more, Daisy or KJ. I'm thinking Daisy took it hands down.

And we're on to the decision . . .

Bret says that he chose the wrong girl last season. Which one? Does he think that he should have picked Heather? Sam? Mia? Rodeo??

The end is so pathetic. They extended this for half an hour to make a lame Bret Michaels video walking on the beach? Maybe for next season they should have him go to a gym every once in a while. He's looking a little chunky. And no eye-liner or bandana can cover that up.

Daisy could not look like more of a skank. And Bret couldn't look more like a Jersey mafia guy with the shiny suit. He could be a hit man in a B-movie. Sure he'd have to ditch the bandana as a trademark, but that could be his role. Or the mafia heavy that gets whacked in the first five minutes that forces to rival gangs to go to the mattresses.

Ramblings about his choice. Dragging on.

He brings Daisy down. Then he stands holding her hands, staring at her breasts, but that her tour ends here. Oh, this will be one heck of an exit interview. I'm putting the over/under on "like" at 143.

So, we're off to Ruth's Cris and it looks like I'm buying...Allie is excited. That said, there's always next season!!! Thanks for reading!

Episode Eleven - The Trashy Trio

Well now. After a week of debating and research on RoL. There's been much discussion on the blogs, much like this one, and conspriacy theories abound. Some have Daisy, some have Ambre. Some have Bret already secretly with KJ and he's bought her a house in AZ to live in after she clears up her issues (aka husbands). And then there's the ones that put Heather back in the mix at the end or the ones that have Heather with her own show after this one.

We're starting to feel as though this show has really taken hold. There are even some pretty good parodies out there. Here's one from SNL - http://tv.popcrunch.com/saturday-night-live-rock-of-love-2-parody-video/

Of the more mundane, I've been wondering how much ass Bret's getting this season. At the "parents episode" from last year we learned from Heather that Laci was making nightly visits to Bret's room for a little (or a lotta) Unskinny Bop and horizontal mambo-ing. I'm thinking there's been some action with KJ, certainly with Daisy, and in no way, shape or form with Peyton (FACE TIME!!! See SNL parody above).

Now we have the parents, take two. Without the dominant personalities that we had last year, I'm just not sure how much fun this will be. Just boring talk about jobs, etc. And who in the world spawned the wreck that is Daisy?

Hey, we're back from Vegas. Whew, what a barrel of laughs in Sin City. Could someone throw a drink at me??? That was so fun when we did that in Vegas.

Yeah, cleaning house. Surprise, it is your folks!! And Ambre can't wait for her father to meet Bret. And NO BANDANA!!! Good googely moogely. Can he actually be a real person without being "Bret Michaels, bandana boy"?

It all continues to come "clean". Daisy hasn't seen her father in seven years and her mother in four. Yeah, considering that she's a dancer with dynamic lifestyle (abortion, living with old boyfriend, etc.) this should come as no surprise. As Chris Rock says, somebody just didn't get enough hugs.

Destiney's folks walk in and it is all coming so clear. Her father has a tattoo that goes all around his forehead. They're biker folks, sure, but that is one strange tat on the melon. They seem very cool and mellow to have spawned such a hair trigger tempered, emotionally violent chic. Must have been double recessive.

So, Ambre's Dad is a nice, kind of "plain ole" guy, Destiney's parents are interesting and over all nice. And the best they can find for Daisy is the "old" boyfriend / roommate maybe with some occassional benefits but who know's older sister. Man, this is uncomfortable. I can't believe that Bret hasn't called her out on this.

Destiney's dad has liver cancer. What a kick in the balls. He's got six months to live. Very cool that he's make the trip out when he's clearly not well - tatoo not withstanding. And, props to Destiney for not using that to illicit some sympathy on the show.

We find out that Ambre is lying about her age. They cast dispersions on what else she's lying about. This brutha's sayin this is her only non-truth. We like Ambre too much to believe that she's just spewing fabrications all over. BTW, did anyone notice that Ambre's dad has a maroon and orange jacket?

Destiney turns into a psycho groupie chick dancin to the video. This girl has real issues. I'm thinking aside from the aggression issues, she's a manic-depressive. At what point should we be checking her meds? And, while we are checking hers, take a look at everyone else's...

He takes Daisy to this rock palace, Rainbow. And Daisy is "honored" to be taken there. It is a freaking restaurant. Yeah, this girl is looped. And finally Bret goes for the throat with Daisy. 'Bout time to get to the bottom of what she's spewin. Alli's thinking this is VERY uncomfortable for Charles' sister. Yeah, I'd agree. Everyone wants her brother's sex life out on national television. And Daisy lives life "in color". What the heck is that? Great line from Bret, "Thanks a lot, Kodachrome!"

Oooh, back to the house. Ambre's dad cuts to the bone. He asks a pointed, direct question to Destiney and she whiffed. "What's life going to be like if he chooses Destiney?" And she's got nothing. Destiney thinks that her life will just go back to normal. Yeah, this girl is in it for the experience of being a groupie. There's little going on upstairs besides being a rock girl.

And finally Bret admits that he's tired of being lied to by Daisy.

Oh, this is good to see the parents have a conversation together without the girls Genuinely good peeps.

Props to Bret for trying to do something nice for Destiney's dad with the motorcycle ride. For their date, Bret takes Destiney to a tattoo parlor. And she wants the RoL logo on the back of her neck. This girl is screwed up. She wants this tattoo to remember the experience. Yep, this makes all of the sense in the world. She'd in it for the experience, not for the guy. Her life is complete just being a groupie. In a way, smarter than getting Bret's name on your neck, but at the same time, she completely missed the point.

Dinner with Ambre and her father. Bret's calling her out with the age deal. Man, this is the House of Lies. Allie's thinking that this is a minor issue and I'd agree. Chicks are funny with the age thing and they are the source of much evil (think Eve), but this is pish-posh. She's been so honest, he better not screw this up over a set of tits.

And then a funny thought came to me. The day that Destiney got a tattoo for the show she could get booted. Wow, would that suck? That's worse than droppin a c-note at dinner and getting told that your date is "sort seeing someone," as you drop her off afterwards.

Girls in a bedroom chit-chatting. Ambre is just one open wound. Man, this girl could be in for a big fall at the end of the day. We get to watch Destiney just totally screw herself. Why in the world would you give the other girls ammunition? We all know that she's on the show for the experience, but to intimate that she wants a rock star, any rock star, was a poor strategic move. So I ask again, how did she make it to the final three? Look at Daisy goin for blood. The gloves are off.

Elimination:
Bret speaks to each one of them with their plusses and minuses. He just laid out a line of crapola with Destiney. He used her father's illness and her "transition" that is pending to say that their relationship may be at the wrong time. He just can't be honest about this girl. Does she have a picture of him screwing a goat or something? So, Destiney comes clean that her goal was to be a part of the show. If this doesn't take her down, we're at a total loss - she'd be like a cockroach after nuclear war that just won't die.

Finally he tosses Destiney to the side. Thankfully she's gone. Man, I've been looking for this for weeks.

Nice boob-adjust by Daisy as she approaches Bret for the group hug. What is amazing is that there's nothing in common between these two: a mid-thirties TV show host and a 24 year-old stripper.

So a year from now, what kind of conversation would Daisy and Bret have? He'll come home from a two-week stint on the road, tired, sore, voice scratchy and she'll be there. Just had her face filled with botox and collogen and her fortieth voice lesson that month to no avail. "Hey Bret, like how wuz like the tour? Like I like just had my like ex over for like the weekend, but like we didn't like have sex. Like, yeah, like he stayed in like my room, but like we just like talked. Like, he's like out of like money and like needed like somewhere to like stay. So, like how waz like the tour? Like, I'm like glad your like home. Like, we were like naked last night, like just like talking, and like I like thought about like the tour. Like can you like get Charles like a job? Hey, like I wrote like some like poetry in between like shifts at the like Alaskan Bush Company. Like do you like know like how much like poetry is like music lyrics? Like that's like so like amazing. Like what's like the big like deal? Like, yeah, like we were like naked, but like there was no like sex. Like why like can't you like trust me?"

Don't forget - Thursday night, 9:30 the "Clip Show" and then the finale next week. Will there be ROL 3??? Will Bret find love??? Will we have to find a new show to blog?????????