Episode Six - The Nasty Nine

Big thoughts here. Bret pulls one out of the bag and doesn't send anyone home last week, but promises to send two home this week. I gots the feelin at least one of the undistinguished are gone - Destiney, Jessica, or Catherine. I'm saying Jessica.



Opening:

"country boy is still in my soul"? Has anyone EVER mistaken Bret for Kenny Chesney?? Peg Bundy (Catherine) with the braids!! Does she sell burgers on the side??

Rodeo is back. Wooo-hooo!! Sweet pictures of the fallen contestants, especially Heather. In retrospect, I'm pretty thankful that he didn't choose Heather last year 'cus there'd never be a Season Two.

Megan "they don't know what it is like to go through life being hot. The turmoil of hotness." I know they just settled their beef in LA, but the TV writers can go back on strike for all I care. Those back-screen scribes could never come up with the "turmoil of hotness"? Shear poetry. Shakespeare at its finest. The only saving grace is that she's top five hot so Bret won't dump her just yet.

Damn, where's the weather machine for the rodeo. That would make it great. Bret needs to know that a girl will jsut get dirty for him. Would the parallel of the girls chasing a greased pig and chasing Bret's big fat hog be too much? I didn't think so either.

And no-name (Jessica) gets a solo date. And Catherine's whining. She's pulled an o-fer. Love the outdoor fireplace. That is sweet. Need to petition the homeowners association for that permit.

Group Date:

Dining in the dark. Unbelievable. Talk about a nitch idea. You could teabag someone's glass and who'd know? Just a fantastic idea. And KJ is gettin it on. Way to go baby! Switchin seats, good plan for Ambre. And Destiney has to pull down her skirt . . . from her shoulders. A little stinky pinky for Bret? Or stinky wrist? And he's coppin a feel on Ambre, nice move. What a fantastic restaurant concept and major points to whoever the producer is that found that place for a date.

Man, he's playing total head games with KJ. She's nearly blowing him in Opaque and he responds with "you aren't open for me." What??? I mean, messin with hot chick's heads would be a little fun, but this guy is brutal. Lucky bastard.

Catherine makes the move for breakfast in bed for Bret. Shifting from MCP for a moment, good for her. Way to take the game to him. Way to show some balls, not literally like Peyton can, but a strong move. I don't think it will do anything for her, but that's the kinda stuff he's looking for. Back to MCP. He REALLY needs to take her on a date to a hair salon.

Megan is a dream. There is no bruising her "hot girl" ego.

Jessica's date:

Damn, her skirt is a cross between a postage stamp and a fabric swatch. Add the CFM boots and you just can't miss. Starting the paintball. Bret's doublin. He's got the cammo-dana over the black one. Man this guy's got issues with the hair. Great sound effects "Bret nooooooooooo!" Oh, she's no dummy. She's all about strokin his ego and he's totally into that.

Daisy wants to make sure that Bret sees her when he gets home. Yep, heels behind her ears,she's ready. And Peyton shows up with a note as he enters the house. Yeah, passing notes was cute in third grade and all, but enough's enough for this she-man.

Elimination:

Suddenly thinking my prediction is wrong. The commercial break leading into the date made things look bad for Jessica. Now she looks reasonably strong. Bastards are just teasing us. Jessica was nearly going and now has stepped up. Yep, she's strokin the ego and he's lovin it.

Allie has declared her hate for Megan. Obviously she doesn't buy into the turmoil of hotness.

There's a clear hate for KJ in that house. Women can be so catty . . .

Down to the last three and Allie thinks Catherine stays. I'ma sayin Inna the Love Tank keeps on rollin in the house.

And Inna stays!! And we have to say good-bye to Peg Bundy and the she-male.

Episode Five

So during the week we do a little research on last week's episode. We discovered the video at www.rockoflove2.vh1.com of an exit interview with Aubry. They let her know that she was going to be the one who was cut, not KJ. Her response, "Seriously? Oh no, that's embarassing." Yeah, we thought so too, but no where near as embarassing as that hair.

On to this week.

Opening:

Whoah, Big John without the bandana. So this chick is reading. Off the top of our heads, we don't even know what her name is. I quizzed Allison "name something about this girl," - nothing. We can't think of anything about this girl. How do you get this far and be so undistinguishable??

Mud Bowl 2. Sweeeeet. Daisy wants some shoulder pads. Can't she just swing her boobs up onto her shoulders for protection? Yeah, Peyton should be the top pick since she's the one with the penis. Jessica, that's the reader's name, 'bout time we found out. Nice pink lipstick on Bret in the interview room.

Oh, Allie's just declared her fondness for Catherine. I'm loving the weather part of this. Just awesome. Inna's grown from the Ukranian Love Tank to the Love Bus. Is that a compliment or has he seen her eat? Rough tackle by Daisy on Ambre, she showed some game there. Megan sitting out is too funny.

Second Half of Mud Bowl:

Could Daisy be any smaller? And a TD by KJ. Woooooo!!!!! Daisy goes "she-wild". Bret is lovin this Ambre-Daisy battle. Allie's thanking he's so excited he'll have to "take care of business". Who needs the Super Bowl when you got Mud Bowl2?

Preview, is Megan a psycho?? She's talking about "her boyfriend's door."

Game Finale:
Ambre fumbles??? Daisy recovers?? "Get out of my way skanks" - nice. Yeah, she earned the MVP.

Could Daisy say "like" any more often?? And the hostess mentions that Bret "knows this place," at the lingerie store. To quote Bret, "she comes out in a 't-hah' with a 'ho-hah' and a hat." Yeah, he's found his girl. This could be the end of the show today.

Oh, so to the gripe fest that's going on in the smoking area. Whining from the girls that have done nothing to distinguish themselves. But we transition to Bret finding out that Daisy is an absolute ditz. Does she have any idea what his life is like? "Um, like, do you like to travel?" No, he's all about touring as a band, but they never leave town. He's exclusively played the LA Convention Center 1643 times in the last 20 years 'cus airports "scare" him.

Again with Megan and the "boyfriend" comment when she trashes Peyton's note. I'm having flashes to "So I Married and Axe Murderer" crossed with "My Super Ex-Girlfriend". The sad part is that she's smokin hot, but has nothing else to offer. Wait, did I really just write that?? The more I think about it, Bret needs to get on this/her. So far Bret's used the decision making skills of a teenager and sixteen year-old John says that this girl is too hot to pass up. And to be really honest, he could cheat on her and lie to her and I doubt she'd ever know.

This could be a sweet cat fight between Megan and Peyton. As a man, wouldn't Peyton get charged with domestic abuse for beating up a woman that's sharing the same abode? And Peyton is jeasous of Daisy. They're called tits Peyton. And while you're out getting some, have them shave that Adam's apple.

Smooth move by Catherine to make the bet. Girl needed some time. Peggy Bundy. What a parallel by Daisy. Allie and I both give her points for that allusion. That may be better than the Bride of Frankenstein.

Race Track:

Destiney is a just not gettin it. KJ gets behind the wheel. I'm back to likin her chances. Inna throws the boobs out there, but can't drive. Bret has to step in. "All that clutch-burnin is makin my penis soft." Bad call mentioning the restraining orders by KJ. Tryin to be honest, a noble effort, but let's not talk about strongly personal legal issues. Hell, might as well mention a previous bankruptcy and an old case of herp-gonna-lyphis while you are at it.

Peyton's tearfest time. She says, "are you attracted to me?" Bret responds with, "Don't take this wrong, I won't put you in the friend category without letting you know." Allie interprets, "Don't take this wrong, but I'm afraid your penis is larger than mine."

Time for Elimination:

Megan "we have a mental...like, Superman...connection." This chick is not only a moron, but a pure whack-job. Allison's put her in the same category as Brandi C. (airhead, porn actress) from last season. Every time they show her during the elimination she is just empty. Not even sure that the lights are on, but it is clear that no one is home.

Peyton getting nasty. Jessica gets a pass and we've only had two words from her all day. Simply amazing.

Down to Peyton and Daisy. Man versus mouse.

Wow! In half an hour we go from seeing the show end, to thinking that Daisy's going out, to seeing her stay and openly rewarded. Two will go next week with a guest appearance from Rodeo and that cackle of a laugh she has. Can't wait.

Episode Four

Opening:

Ok, this thing opens up with the review of the last episode. Man, it has been two week and we've been going through withdrawl waitin for a little mo of the RoL.

Damn, I forgot how bad things were for my girl Kristy Joe. I'm still maintaining that she's the best looking one in the bunch. But MAN what baggage. Married twice, not even divorced, AND has a kid, dogs, does it ever stop. I'm not sure she classifies as a pincushion, but she's definitely got a lot goin on. As Bret says, Wassagoinon?

We're opening with Daisy makin the move. Now there's a pincushion. She's been stuck so many times her skin has turned black. Of course the more I think about it, she may be the perfect girl for him. Takes no shit and doesn't hesitate to get behind closed doors.

Aubry. Jeez, do something about that hair. Yeah, get all high and might 'cus he walked around you. Every guy needs a self-conscious nag. I mean really, take a hint, he walked around you to kiss Daisy and (gasp!!!) Catherine. If he passed you by for Elvira and her neck, then you not be playin from a position of strength. I just figured it out, Aubry looks like Marylin Manson. She's feeling neglect. Well then go jump on big John or something. He's neglecting you because you are plain. Kinda androgenous like Mr. Manson. Oh, and please eat something!!! She's probably as anatomically correct as a Barbie Doll.

Catherine is just hideous. I mean really. Somehow, some way, she's made the final ten and I can't say that she's said more than ten words.

Yeah, Bret and Daisy "got to know each other".

Motorcycle shop:

They are at the motorcycle shop and Peyton steps up, "this is my thing." Well heck yeah since you probably used to be a mechanic before the sex change or at least before the hormone pills started kickin in. Allison is wondering if she's wearing a jock strap.

"Guys that ride motorcycles are hot" - Daisy. Well, Allison can definitely back you up on that one.

Megan - "My best strategy is to look hot." Yes, she is a keeper. But on body alone she's a top five. I think her best bet is not speak and she could be a finalist.

Uh, connect the fuel line? Oh yeah, that.

Oh dear. Peyton is gonna have to clean the bike in a bikini?? Allison wants to know how she can tuck her junk between her legs and clean the bike at the same time.

Back from the shop and date with Inna:

This guy is killing me. Every woman that talks to him and says "I can see us together" and he says "I do too." He's worse than a kid in a candy store. He's a fat kid snarfin on everything in the store, but it is all that nasty stuff that tastes like licorice.

And then there's Aubry. Man, this is one clueless girl. While she's got every right to feel the way she does . . . Wait, did I just hear that right. Rewind. Yep. "I'm a very, very, very observant person. I'm a karaoke host; I KNOW people." Oh, I'm about to pee in my pants on that one. 'Cus sure, every time I've sung karaoke I've always marveled at the awareness of the hostess. They always seem very Zen-like. I'm thinking Cain in 'Kung-Fu' Zen. Kiss this girl goodbye. I mean really, if she was a golf-ball-through-the-garden-hose girl, maybe she stays, but otherwise put a steel-toed boot in her butt.

I'm dyin that my girl KJ is the leader of the emotionally crippled pack. Oh, now we find that she's the rebound queen. Can't live without a man. Oh, that's just sad. The thing is, she's saying that she can't give her all, but she's shown more of a real side than anyone else in the house.

The next day, photo shoot:

Megan - "I'm totally confused. I don't know what's going on." Yep, did I mention that this girl has a four-year accounting degree from the U of Illinois. Not some mail-order thing, a BS in Accounting. I just lost all respect for CPAs everywhere. Well, unless they look like her. (yes Dug, she's hideous)

The photo shoot is lame. But we do get the best quote about Daisy - "that breast-rib combination, just lovely". No hidden agenda there.

Oh man, the meal. And Aubry speaks at lunch. This girl can't get a clue. Then she mis-reads Bret's comments and thinks that KJ is not being real. Too funny. She lets her pre-conceived notions block out what he said and stirs up KJ needlessly. Man, she needs to go.

Ready for elimation:
Cheers from 237 Churchview for KJ going after Bret. Sure, she's acting on bad information from Aubry, but she showed chutzpa to go and confront him. KJ is too good for him.

"talked the talk and walked the walk", yeah that's Daisy. She walked alright.

What up with Aubry's hair? The face that launched a thousand ships - Allison says. I'm thinking she looks like Lola from the Copa Cabana.

There are three girls at this point that have done NOTHING. Megan, Jessica, and Catherine and they are all staying. What is the guy thinking at this point? Sure, Aubry should go home. Who the hell needs a girl that nags when you aren't even dating and hasn't even put out. If she's gonna nag that badly, the white pony better be happy.

KJ is losing it. Man, this is rough. It is better than a soap opera.

What was that? Aubry self-selects??? I mean really, that was such a self sacraficing move, but she needed to go anyhow. "If it is meant to be, we'll find each other. We live in the same city." You have to be kidding me. What, 7 million people in LA, and he's gonna search out the nag that is Aubry. I'm thinking no.

And there's Megan. She defines a ditz. Sure, hot ditz, but this is beyond words.