Episode Nine - The Wheat From the Chaff

OK, so there's been some discusstion from last week regarding the dinner voting. Yep, I'd had a little to drink and mis-remembered. Apparently the leaders in the Richmond dinner voting were Ambre and Megan. KJ was summarily dismissed by the group, but she was still my favorite.

An additional discussion around the hizzouse is what makes Megan hot? The answer is her height and smokin body. This author will have to admit that she's not the prettiest one in the group. And she can come off as a complete moron at times, but really, who cares. She's just there to look at.

We did see the previews for this coming episode. I think it is fair to say that none of these chicks rock like Heather. Revisionist history says if he'd picked her last year there just may not have been a season two. But what I really liked about the trailer is that Heather seems to have the ability not only to shed her own clothes in the blink of an eye, but she can get others to do so also. The trailer shows scenes of the chicks have them in bikinis, drankin, and cuddlin on the couch and chair and hot tub.

Oh, and for my thoughts that Megan would take what effectively was a TOTAL REJECTAMUNDO by Bret to heart - yeah, don't see it. I'm just not sure that girl's got it in her. She'll just go back to the Playboy mansion and troll around there for a while when the show is over.


On with the show.

And we open up with Daisy the moron reading, not her best skill, and Destiney complaining, one of her better skills. Possibly Destiney's best, second only to screaming and pointing her finger.

And Bret states the House of Lies. Now this is getting good. Nice driving hat on Destiney's ex-husband. What, did she want to spend her life on the English coutryside passing Grey Poupon out the window? And Ambre gets off the hook with her best friend. And Daisy used to date a Tommy Lee wanna be. This totally fits. She's as much of a skank as I always expected.

And Bret brings Heather out. This is a combination of two episodes of last season when the parents came out (loved it) and the groupie interviews (no so much). I'm hoping for flaming sword tossing and alligator wrestling somewhere in here. Maybe this year one girl can get a Bret nipple ring instead of a tattoo.

Drankin with Heather:
This girl is a machine. And the guys are lame as can be with no one will smoke a cigar. What a bunch of hose-bags. Christ, can this be any lamer? A bunch of pussies is what we're seein. Yeah Bret, lame idea. Since the wusses won't dive into an awewsome cigar bar, take them out and shoot some guns or something. See what kind of game these numb-nuts have got. Put them in those Sumo suits and wear it out. Wait, so now the dirt on Megan's previous TV experience comes out. yeah, she's gone. Can we go through eight episodes before this comes out? Finally. It takes getting Heather on the show to get something, ANYTHING about these chicks. But, didn't the producers do any research on this kind of thing? They can find their ex-boyfriends but not whether they have been on TV or not before?

We're finally finding Destiney's motivation. She's an uber groupie. Now it makes some sense. Bret should make her show her devotion by having her blow Vince Neal. She either won't do it or she'll fall "in love" with Vince instead.

One other guy smoked. Chicken shits.

Oooh, Megan calls Jessica out. She showed some sack there. Possibly more to Megan than shown. Hate to do it, but she's right. One, she didn't say anything mean or nasty about Jessica and two, she's probably right that Jessica is too nice.

What's with all the crying? Jessica's crying. The trailers show Daisy cryin. And these chicks were all over KJ for the crying and Daisy has cried at least the last three episodes. Daisy crying just isn't good. All of that collogen crammed into a shriveling mass. Kinda like a cabbage patch doll that's pressed against glass. And Jessica gets tough and tells Daisy to hold back. Now this show is getting real.

So Heather wonders how much dirt there is on the chicks. Not that this is a surprise, but they are a bunch of freakin liars. They all got onto KJ for being honest and "real" and all of the drama and now we find out that all of these bitches are lyin. Daisy lives with her old boyfriend. "They haven't been physical for two years," and her excuse is they "signed a lease together." What did they sign, a ten-year lease? And she's not getting physical with Mr. "I'm gonna be on national TV so I better wear my best wife-beater and Bandana"? What a bunch of crapola. The house has turned in to the Den of Deceit.

Who ever knew that Heather could have such game?? Giver her one ounce of Bret-cred and she just takes the reigns. Daisy is a wreck. She's as bad as KJ.

I'm lovin the guy standin up for Ambre. He's asking the questions we've been dying to ask. Shit, he took them to Dave and Buster's. Screw that, take them skydiving. See what kinda sack they got.

And we're back to the house and Jessica is a bit drunk and upset at how everyone thinks she's so nice. And this is a problem? How? She wants to be a nasty girl instead? So to prove herself to Bret she needs to blow the offensive line of the Oakland Raiders? And we hate to say it(especially Allie), but Megan is being about as honest as she can be regarding Jessica. Yeah, in a self-serving kinda way, but it is honesty. And more crying. Jessica is crying. This is turning into a daytime drama. She's upset about her "innocence" and she just mentioned pinky-swearing. Man, you can't make this up.

And we've got our requisite vomiting. Yep, you know what I say about nice girls vomiting - date 'em. (Allie says that about nice guys too except her policy is to marry them).

A time out about Heather. Last season I figures she'd blow up to 250 lbs. after the show was over. Props to her for staying fit while her earning power is still high. Heather drops the bomb on Daisy. If her old boyfriend didn't come clean about that then she needs to go. Oh yes, Heather confirms that Megan has a great rack (see above).

Hold the damned phone!!! Did Megan's old boyfriend just nail her big time? First, he describes her perfectly regarding her selfishness. She mocks him and he jabs right back, in brutal, refreshing honesty, and makes her cry. Who in the hell thought that she could actually cry about anything? Don't tell me after all of this that she actually has some depth. What a shocker.

Will Ambre cry? Seems like it is almost her turn.

Bret and Heather just eliminated all five girls in half an hour. Allie thinks they should kick all the girls off the show tonight and the rest of the shows should be about how he and Heather get married and move to Hawaii.

Bret puts himself between Daisy and her roommate with no benefits. I'm thinking there's a bunch more lyin going on here. He's a moron if he keeps Daisy. If neither of them had the sack to bring it up then she should go on principle. Yep, he's an idiot if he chooses anyone but Ambre. With this new roommate info, Daisy will become the new KJ.

And Megan just plain lied to his face regarding Ambre's tattle regarding Megan's ex. Damn, she's good. Can we roll back the film for Bret's benefit?

Elimination:
We're dying to know what is going through Heather's mind right now. Seeing things from the other side of the fence. Daisy gets a pass. Stupid. And now she comes clean to the camera that she has other skeletons in her closet. Didn't he just tell her to come clean? Man, what a moron - both her and him for keeping her around. And just for thought, how many skeletons can a 24 year old have? Boobs are fake (duh), has a child (maybe), lips are fake (no shit), she and "wearing mah Sunday best" live in a van down by the river . . . what could it be???

I'm thinking Megan's bold-faced lie is going to get her through at the commercial break.

And I'm wrong??? Megan is a goner. Puke breath Jessica is the final pick. Glad she didn't trip on her heels on the way down there since I am pretty sure she's still totally hammered. I don't think Megan takes rejection well. Heck, I don't think she takes rejection at all. It is all so easy for her since she's so hot she can't deal with rejection. Just stand there and shake your head and it will aaaaaalllllllllllll go away. I'm thinking in her real life, when Megan doesn't get her way with a man she just pops out a boob and things change - tough to do on camera.

As an aside. We are now through the ninth episode and I still can't tell you that I know what these girls do for a living. We've learned nothing about these girls from the show. We welcome Heather back and Thank GOD for abilities to pull out the dirt!!!!!