Episode Three
OK, we’re havin a RoL gang bang party at #237. Ferguson’s and Nichols have joined in for the viewing. We’ve recapped the last two episodes so that everyone is caught up. Group conclusions:
Bret is looking haggard. Rough just ain’t the word for it.
Peyton is a man and is gonna shock the hell out of Bret at some point when she whips her dick out while they have some alone time. Dug thinks that she’s so excited that she’ll be caught jerking off in bed.
If Catherine isn’t Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, then she’s Lilly Munster.
Attack of the tongue by Frenchy was just plain grody.
How proud are all of our parents to know that we spend our valuable quality time watching this show?
Keep the mashed potatoes away from Inna. That girl has been carbo-loading for a while and looks like she’s ready to explode.
Alright, time to press play.
11:55 Bret has just named himself “a good dad”. That’s just too much. Sometimes this guy’s image of himself is just too much.
11:56 Laci is back. Man, they just can’t get enough of that chick. Talk about taking advantage of a situation. Part of me thinks we should admire her just for workin the system to her advantage – bitch or not. Oh, and the answer is bitch
11:59 The are punchin the doll. Oh this is too rich.
12:01 And Megan closes with “yeah, we got our asses kicked, but at least we looked hot”. How whacked is this? We just learned today that not only was Megan on Beauty and the Brains, but she has an accounting degree. My respect for accountants has reached a new low.
12:03 They ripped the arm off!!! This is awesome.
12:05 Kristy Joe is my girl!!! Somehow I think she’s gonna get punked like circus-boobs from last year. There’s gonna be a gang bang on her as they run her out of the house.
12:10 Thank GOD they had a corset for Inna. That girl is just spilling out all over. Ukrainian Love tank?? I think Bret meant that as a compliment. She sure is a wide load.
12:12 And Frenchy's panties come off. Somebody clearly didn’t get enough hugs (Allison)
12:15 Oh crap, now the house gets ugly. They makin my girl cry. This is just WRONG! Wait, that almost turns into two chicks sleepin together. Always lookin for the silver lining.
12:22 Man, it is getting catty. This is beautiful. Bret’s quote of “marrification”.
12:26 The Nichols are having a debate on the hotness of Daisy. Brenda – not hot. Gary – hot. I’m siding with Brenda, but she does have BIG boobs. Wooooooo!!!
12:30 Elvira/Lilly still makes it? What in the world?? What is he thinking?
12:33 My baby made it!!!!! Yesssss. But Allison’s now sad to see Frenchy go. Our Falstaff has left the building. Comic relief is over. Julie has mused that Frenchy has butt implants. She’s got a point there. Something about how she stands/walks. Allison thinks it is because her breasts are too big for her body – please, that can’t true.
12:36 Previews for next week are great. Especially Aubry’s hair. Very aerodynamic look for a Flamenco dancer. And the quote of the day from Brenda “and there's Catherine’s old neck.”
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So I'm guessing that "America's Sweetheart" Lacie Connor was in Season 1? Why single her out at the beginning only to not really focus on her at all any more during the contest? Bad producing, bad...
"The LA Derby Dolls... They're mean, they're big, and they're insane." I'm thinking we have found our Season 3 cast.
This is actually a challenge that defines Bret and the man he really is:
"As the challenge starts I'm hoping that these girls are willing to take a beating for their man."
"Peyton is determined to get that baby around the track and she was literally willing to take a beating. It just made me want to... breed."
So here we find that women who like to be beaten is the type of women he likes. That's probably why he likes tattoos because they remind him of bruise marks.
Bret: "There is only one way to start to find true love, and that is with a stroller derby challenge." And Bret wonders why he can't find true love...
Jessica on the prognosis of their Baby Bret: "Ours will never lead a normal life? Well, what arm did it lose, if he's a lefty, who's gonna care?" Apparently there is another future physician in the group, one with really good bedside manner. How does Bret get so lucky?
So Bret takes three of the winning girls on a date. Where is the perfect place to take three ladies on a Date? I know... A strip club!!!! /facepalm
Inna is his "Ukrainian Love Tank", which to me doesn't bode well for her future. The girl is pretty big, I think Bret should probably fear for his life if she ever gets mad at him.
So, at the club, Aubry hypes herself up by letting us know how great a dancer she is because she has been doing it since the age of 7, and she is really going to bring it. Then we find out that her idea of "bringing it" is just to grab the tassels hanging from the back and shake her butt the entire time. Money well spent on those dance lessons.
For her dance, Angelique (the French chick) gets completely naked. Great for Bret, but a big no-no for the club we find out later. "This girl is either just straight up hot sexy exhibitionist, or possibly a screw loose." I had no idea there was another option other than "screw loose".
Back at the house it's getting good, the girls are starting to call each other names and get into each others faces. Could this could be it, the moment we have all been waiting for? CAT FIGHT??? Alas, no... just a few hurt feelings. Exciting television at it's finest.
26:55 into the show and the big bomb drops. "Kristy Joe is still legally married. This may pose a little problem in our relationship." Ya think? Well, lets give her a chance to explain:
Kristy Joe: "I filed the annulment papers... well first we had the restraining order, and then on August 15th I filed the annulment papers". (sound of needle scraping across a record) Holy crap, a restraining order? I don't care how hot this chick is, a jealous husband beating down my door with a 2x4 at three in the morning isn't my idea of a workable relationship.
So Destiney invokes her VIP pass and she and KJ glare at each other. Finally Bret agrees with me about what we have been missing so far: "At first I'm hoping there's going to be some kind of a naked cat fight taking place right by the pool while I continue to eat." This makes me want to get a pool. Alas, however, no... Just more hurt feelings... In any case, lesson learned. Next time you make these "VIP" passes, PUT NAKED CAT FIGHT IN THE RULES.
Destiney on her divorce: "I was married.. we were together for 5 years and he cheated on me." But 19 other girls hanging all over Bret and making out with him? That's ok.
Time mark 31:22: Daisy shows off her magical skills by making the tattoo that covers her entire left arm switch to her right!
Time mark 32:33: Bret one on one with Daisy. Whew, tattoo back on the left arm. All is right in the world again (or wrong, I hate full body tattoos).
Cathrine looks like she should be on Desperate Housewives rather than Rock of Love. We never really see her much, and Bret has yet to spend any time with her... how does she continue to stick around?
10 girls gone, 10 girls left. Next week, Bret has a bad day. The thrills just keep on coming.
BTW, rockoflove2.vh1.com is the official web site. All of the girls have pictures up there and you can sign up to be their "fan". Apparently they also reply to messages...
I just hit the web site and watched some of the after show and extras, some are pretty good. More great shots and quotes. Big John on Angelique:
"This chick has a 'butter' face. Everything looks good 'butter' face."
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