12/20/08 Rock of Love II, Episode Two
Thank goodness that the nastiest tattood chick decided to leave. Sure, she was pretty stoooopid, but what a refreshing decision.
What is WITH all of the tats??
Yes, Courtney is a black-out drunk girl.
Aubry looks like Marilyn Manson. OK, the bandana under the baseball hat. This man has big issues with his image.
So they choose the French chick to slur through the instructions. This girl needs to go before the botox and collogen makes here whole face explode. Reminds me of the second season of the Anna Nicole Show when the coke got way out of control
A POEM??? You gotta be kidding me. Belt-buckle bottle opener. That's the girl!!!
Drums? Kung Fu? Destiny could be an early leader.
Merry Me?? This is getting painful.
Who brings belly-dance stuff to the house? Do you just keep that in your trunk like a can of fix-a-flat?
The guitar player used to be a man.
He chose Ambre over Kristy Joe for the date? How wrong is that? KJ is the best looking girl in the bunch. She's my early favorite.
Payton is a cross between Rodeo and Laci. Without the looks or the body. When they do the hormone testing later Bret's gonna be in for a big surprise. Not to mention the pants check.
This is a much better house than the one last season.
Ambre may be the most normal girl in the group. Not musically inclined, her talent is, wait for it, gift wrapping. But then the kissing happens. Bret says she may be the best ever and something's telling me that he's "kissed" a girl of two.
"We make an amazing trio of brains." I can not go anywhere with that. Really, what can a brutha say?
So how many strippers are in this crowd? Starting to see a trend. Great squeeky noise on the boob grab from Frenchy.
Inna is taking the lead as this season's Heather. She will be HUGE in a few more years of feeding at the trough. Better keep down the grazing of Bret's gonna hurt his back.
What is up with the chick with the Elvira hair? We've seen nothing of here, and I think that's a good thing, but that's the worst hair we've seen in a long while.
Allison loves KJ's stones. Catherine made it? She's the Elvira hair. Definite need of a major makeover. She's go the look of an early 70's mill town single mom working at the local diner servin flapjacks. Either that or my third grade art teacher.
The Final Two
Do what comes naturally
Divorce!!!
Breakin up for Bret.
Deep Thoughts
I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 3...
Mmmmmmm
THIS is cozy
WTF??
Whoa. That was pretty trippy
Turmoil
Talk about turmoil - that's gotta sting.
KJ, adieu
I guess I'll just have to take care of that divorce then
Angelique
KJ
Superstar!!!!
Ewwwwwww
What up with the hair???
Megan
The turmoil of hotness
Chasin Bret's Big Fat Hog
Daisy
like WTF like they are already in love like
Catherine
Peg Bundy with braids
4 comments:
I don't watch this show. Is it as exciting as "Days of our Lives"? Today, Kayla raced to tell Steve she was ovulating. Now THAT is action!
Fine, I'll watch it and get back to you...
-Martin
Ok, I've seen it. And all I can say is... How can you watch this tripe? 20 girls pretty much whore themselves out to a has-been rock star who may or may not make a love connection by the end of the show. It definitely needs to be on one of the pay (HBO, Showtime, etc) channels tho, the strategic blurring of exposed body parts and bleeping of choice words really is uncalled for.
First episode, girls just standing around wondering how to get Bret's attention. How do you get Brett's attention? MAKE OUT WITH EACH OTHER! FOR THE LOVE OF... geez, you think these groupie chicks would know a thing or two about how to get into a guys pants.
How can he immediately eliminate 5 girls before he makes the sexy time with them? "I'm Bret Michaels. I throw away more girls than you have sex with in a year." Bastard.
Anywho, on to episode 2.
Cortney goes home. "I'm a sweet girl, I'm a caring girl, but apparently I'm also a black out drunk girl, and you know if that's not what he is looking for, maybe he is better off." Which is a shame because I think all of us are looking for a sweet, caring, black out drunk girl in our lives. At least I know I sure am.
Sara is there on a dare. How do you get to that point in a conversation?
Sara: So, did you guys see CNN the other day? I really like Hillary in the New Hampshire primary, but after Obama's win in the Iowa caucus, he could really come on strong in that state.
Friend: I dare you to fly out to LA and shtoop Bret Michaels!!
Sara: You are ON!
Inna is a real bitch for telling Aubry about it knowing she will leak it to Bret. Points to Inna for creativity. So she does just that. "I'm not here to hurt anybody, I'm here for you." Well, not hurt anybody except for that bitch Sara.
How else can we make this house look like some kind of cheap adult video parlor? The dance pole is a nice touch but... I know, lets set up a peep show booth! In any case, this is a great opportunity for the girls to get Bret's attention. What do you do in a peep show booth? Er, play drums? Read poems? Iron? (I'm with Bret on that one tho... Bikini clad chick doing the laundry... Hot...) I have an idea, how about, oh, I dunno... STRIP???? At least the Angelique, the French chick, knew what to do.
And what happened to Angelique anyway, is she a professional boxer or something with a swollen face? I'm pretty sure I know why Bret keeps her and Inna around. Foreign girls are automatically hot by definition. Especially those that like to make chocolate and bare their assets. Bret: "I'm looking for a woman who I can connect with spiritually, and any woman willing to lick chocolate mousse off of her own breasts... that's a spiritual connection, you can't deny." Of course, any woman willing to lick chocolate mousse off of ANOTHER girls breasts? ROCK OF LOVE BABY!!!
Bret explains to the girls how to operate a 4 wheel ATV. Daisy: "I was confused, and so I'm really focusing right now because I don't want to die and.. or lose a leg, that would be... bad." I can see a career in medicine in this girls future.
End of the show, a dance off. Once again, an opportunity to impress Bret. What's the best way to do it? I dunno... STRIP???? Nope. Disappointment? Yep.
Niki: "I am so nervous, if I get sent home, I'm retarded." Actually honey, I think all doubt about that was eliminated when you agreed to do the show.
Angelique, holy crap, again I don't know what to say. Plastic surgery gone wrong maybe? Bret: "I see a tongue darting out of a mouth, it's coming at me, it's large and fighting to get into my mouth, like a serpent. *gulp*" Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
Roller derby in the next episode tho. HOT.
-Martin
Martin wrote:
"... How can you watch this tripe? 20 girls pretty much whore themselves out to a has-been rock star..."
to which I say, how can we NOT watch this tripe? I've never seen 20 girls whore themselves out, unless Trevor's clubbing claims from Daytona 1993: "Walt Wuz Wrong" weren't exaggerations.
Oh, man, please, keep bloggin' this stuff! It's hysterical -- just like the show!
Jane
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